Rhythms of life

Every morning I wake up with new expectations and new resolutions,

Every night I sleep with the realization that the expectations and resolutions both remain unattended.

This was my facebook update this morning. It seems that the spring of life is over and I have entered the autumn phase where I can see only deterioration in myself without any hope of improvement. I am very disappointed with myself, with my reckless attitude.  But it is not entirely my fault. I know we humans are too egoistic to accept our mistake and conveniently pass on the blame so that we do not appear sinful (too strong a word to use though!!). Though, here, I am ready to take the major part of the blame on my feeble shoulders. However, the remaining part is to be put on the prevailing situations, the stagnant phase which I am going through now. With a regular timetable to follow, life is so much rhythmic. Newer chords are played, newer lyrics written and life then sounds like a soulful song. With the loss of this incessantness, the wrong strings seemed to have been plucked and life then seems to be an untuned guitar. I wonder how people complain of their well planned ordered life and are desirous of vacations every now and then. Vacations, small enough does refuel you, but long and frequent ones do nothing but make you lethargic and dull. If relaxation allows you to spend time with yourself and discover yourself, it, also ruins the better part of you, the lively part of you. At the end of this period, thus, you may have turned wise but would have lost the sharpness of your wit.

 I enjoy a hectic life. At least at the end of the day I earn a sound sleep, satisfied and blissful rather than spending the night changing sides and talking to the pillow, mourning. Pressure brings out the best in me. I am a workaholic and proud to be one. The frenetic pace of life doesn’t scare me as much as the calm one does.

Oh Lord! I request thee to give me a life full of activity, full of charm,

Till that day when the sun of my life sets and I rest in your arms.

Enjoyment...

It's no more sultry today. Mother Earth is happy, so are the verdant tress, the shrieking parrots and my dear neighbours. The light shower in the evening seemed to have washed away everybody's biggest distress at the moment by lowering the mercury level. Even in my house there seemed to be an unsaid relief among everyone as if it was one of the best weekends spent. But something was wrong with me, but what! An unusual restlessness, guilt, anxiety seemed to have engulfed me. Why was such a thing happening when I haven't done anything wrong? Not to mention I am supposed to be going through one of the best phases of my life having achieved one of the biggest targets of life. I should be happy, I should rejoice but why these contradicting emotions run across my mind? Confused and spent I paced up and down. The rain which washed away everyones irritation seemed to have taken away the best part of me having left me all the more irritated(rather ironically!!). "I need some freshness and time with myself", I murmured to myself making sure no one else heard else there would be a massive scene at home. I should mention here that my younger sister already thinks I have lost some santiy of my mind having studying Chemistry for three years.
Now I was at the favourite spot of my house, the terrace. Over the years an unknown attachment has built up with this spot. It has been my shoulder for weeping, a witness to my joys and a silent listener to all my worries and here I was now to find answers to my queries. I looked around. The evening sun looked magnificent armed in the cotton like clouds. Everything around was so serene, then why was I at war with myself?! I took my usual seat on the top of the water tank and rewinded all that was happening off late with me and introspected what was going amiss or what was missing. The cool evening breeze brushed my face, the smell of the wet soil tickled my nostrils and I felt so light as if I could fly. All the question marks seemed to be turning to smileys(happy ones) and all the worries seemed to be futile. The answer was so simple and I laughed at my innocence. Everyone was happy because the shower had given them a reason to enjoy and this was what was lacking in my life "Enjoyment". I was missing what I enjoy. I was missing the enjoyment of attending classes, of that desire to be the best in the class, of meeting different creation of the Almighty, of  attempting those challenging problems, of pleasing the teacher and finally of that satisfaction that studying gives me. I realsied how much I enjoy studying be it in any form and how much it matters to me. Without it there seems to be a vacuum of the queerest kind. When I told everyone how enthusiastic I was about Chemistry,I realise I was not wrong. The remorse was all gone now and was replaced by a sense of self pride of having chosen the right path in life .
I found my answers and in the process I realised a few things. Enjoying is the only key which can break the monotony of ones life. Enjoyment is relative that is to say for different people it is different. But the best thing I realised was that Nature is very generous. She can heal all the wounds, be patient enough to listen to all that you have to say and surely offer the best possible solutions. So, to all the readers out there I would say:
                           Whenever you are in a state of grief or disgrace,
                            All you need is Nature's cosy embrace.

The beginning...

I don't know if bliss is possible and I've always thought that my best times will be later in life.

Writing has always been a passion and as I always believe it is the best way of expression. Blogging was a suggestion from a friend. So, here's to her and all of you! Welcome to my blog and happy reading.